


A difficult choice

by FrangipaniFlower



Category: Homeland
Genre: Death, Difficult Decisions, F/M, Hope dies last, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 12:51:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5586109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrangipaniFlower/pseuds/FrangipaniFlower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing scene at the end of 5.12</p>
            </blockquote>





	A difficult choice

**Author's Note:**

> I rewatched 5.12 today for the first time and even if I am still not convinced Quinn didn't die, it struck me that Carrie did not look at him for a second when she entered the room. She acted like she was on autopilot. He said, he loved her. Even if she didn't love him (and I believe she did), but only cared for him as a friend, she would have taken her time for good-bye. For someone as smart as she is it seems unlikely to go to kill her colleague/friend/whatever without going through some thorough thinking. The lettet is 2,5 years old and certainly Quinn didn't want her to shoulder the burden of that decision. And she should know yhat. Maybe it was just sloppy writing, but maybe, just maybe the light meant something else. What do you think?

She arrived at the hospital with a plan. She wanted to act quickly, without to much thinking, as she didn't trust herself when it came to him. And this was about him, what he might want, not about her.  
Dar was right, he would not want to be minimal concious vegetable.  
So she entered his room, blocked the door, closed the window blinds, and took the oximeter from his finger without even looking at him. His letter had said it all and if this was what he wanted, she was willing to give it to him. In the end, she owed him big, and this was the only thing left to give him.  
Her plan didn't go further than this, she had hoped to find some plugs to pull or a cushion to smother him.

Suddenly a ray of light was brightening the room, enlightening his face. She hesitated. For the first time since she had entered the room, she was looking at him. He looked peacefully, like he had finally found some calmness.

He had always been the one with a moral compass, oddly enough the paid asassin who was questioning the ethics of their choices. He never took a life without carefully weighing the damage he was doing against the greater good. And each victim cost him a piece of his soul. He always believed in being the guy killing the bad guys. What was she about to do? Being the girl who kills the only good guy? Would he approve? Would he really want that? 

They never had spoken about such intimate things, which now appeared strange. Death had been their daily business, one should have thought that CIA agents were aware of their own finite nature. She had believed it, though, when Dar had said that being in this state had always been his worst nightmare. But in the end, how should Dar know? 

What would she want, if she were in his place now? She would fight to get back. To Frannie. She had reason to live. She wouldn't want to be a comatose vegetable forever but certainly she wouldn't want her family to give up on her after just a couple of days.

The letter. It was beautiful, so sad, but beautiful. She never took him for a poet, but it was poetic. And it kind of misguided her. 

This death, this end of me is exactly what should have happened.

She had taken this sentence as manifest of his will, as jurisdication for what she was about to do. Not considering until this very moment, that the letter was 2,5 years old. When he had written it, he was probably convinced to die on his mission in Syria. 

But by no means he could have foreseen the events of the last 2 weeks. So, does that mean, this letter is not what she took it for? It is not telling her to end his task for him with one final, but heartbreaking act of mercy? She wished she had had more time with Quasim, to learn more about why he gave the Atropine to him. Somehow Quinn must have convinced him, but why would he, if he was ready to die? And hadn't Hussein said, Quinn had fought for his life?

She knows, if she is ending his life, she will pay hell for it for the rest of her life. She knows his chances are less than bad. But is it her call to make that decision?

A beacon steering you clear of rocks.

He wouldn't want her to sacrifice herself for him, she knows that for sure.

Carefully she puts the oximeter back on his finger. She can't make that decision, not yet, not now.


End file.
